Wednesday, October 12, 2016

You can't stop the future. You can't rewind the past.

Move in day freshman year of college was the worst day of my life. I knew that day, and the days leading up to it, that it would be one of the biggest changes of my life, and I have never been very fond of change. I loathe it, I dread it, I hate it. Change is the worst.

Well, that's how I used to feel. I'm still not a huge fan of change, but I've come to appreciate it more than I used to. I now think that, sometimes, change can be good.

When I first got to school, people kept talking about how much I was going to change in the next four years. I would change, people would change, my thoughts and opinions would change, my relationships would change, everything would change. And I didn't want that to happen. I was very happy with the way things were, thank you very much.

But sitting here now, I know that I have changed since starting school. And I think those changes have been for the better. One of the biggest changes I've witnessed in myself is my outgoingness. I think since starting school, I've become more outgoing. Sure, I'm still introverted and shy, and those tendencies are usually dominant when I'm in any social situation. But I've met so many amazing people and experienced so many new and exciting and amazing things, and I think all of that has helped to open me up.

I've also become a leader. I say that meaning that I literally hold a leadership position, but I know that I still have a lot of growing to do as a leader. I think all leaders are always growing and developing their leadership skills. Being in this role is not something I think I would have wanted to take on before coming to school. Heck, I don't think I knew for sure that I wanted to take it on when I did go after it. But I knew it would be good for me and would help me grow. And it has. And I'm so glad I did it.

I still get homesick. I miss my house and my family and my friends from home. And sometimes I just get really sad about it because I know I'll never really live there again. I'll never get to live in my house, in my room, with my parents really ever again.

I'm scared to graduate and move somewhere new and get a job and just have to do such grown up things all on my own. I think everybody feels that way at this point, right? Though it's scary, I know it's what rightfully comes next, so I try to make myself more okay with it more and more every day.

I've come to realize that change is a natural part of life. It's what everyone says, but I had to learn that and come to terms with it on my own. I was so afraid of change; I still am. But I'm starting to learn that it isn't always bad. Changes are usually—though not always—for the better. Change signals growth and development and maturity. Change is a part of growing up. Though it's scary to grow up and become an adult, it's what's supposed to happen. It's meant to be. It's serendipity.

What's the biggest change you've ever gone through? Did it scare you? How did you deal with it? I'd love to hear from you!

Lots of love,

Jay Asher, "Thirteen Reasons Why"